Updated: Jan 26
After a long weekend of arguments over a disagreement with my husband, it left both of us feeling so lost and confused why this fight felt bad than any other little disagreement we have had before.
Don't get me wrong, we have had disagreement before here and there but nothing like this that sent me leaving the house so late in the evening as I watched myself angry, catching the elevator downstairs to get a cab that I booked ready to check myself into a hotel that evening.
I got to the hotel, angry, pissed and all my emotions flying all over the place, I sat down in a quiet area at the lobby for the first five minutes then proceeded to ask if they had a room for the night. Yes we do the receptionist said. I asked how much and she said $350 for the night.
As I looked up to her in shock, which was quickly wiped away by anger as I could feel my face getting tense from thinking what hotel did I walk into exactly? "This nonsense won't pass in Oxford or Europe, boy I miss Europe". My mind was jumping to different places so I thought this isn't this lovely woman's issue, go, sit down again and figure out your next move in peace. After all no-one can chase you out of the lobby right?
For almost an hour I sat there, called my best friend and exploded into her ears at 4am her time about why I was so angry, going from English to French back and forth for half an hour, before hanging up the phone peacefully.
I thought for a second, why was I angry? Why am I the one to leave the house? Why this and why that? Ready to get answers I got myself up and out of the hotel lobby and headed home. Thinking when I got there I will ask him all the why's and if I am still angry he will leave not me as I am not spending my money for an angry hotel stay.
After a long conversation with both of us crying and remembering how the devil was trying to come for our hearts and love, we prayed and went to sleep less angry than before.
The next day after church he brought me post-it-notes 'PIN' (which I LOVED) but I didn't say at first. I told him that I was doing this exercise and I was already on day one if he would like to join me? 'We haven't done a lot of our cute messages on PIN for a long time now, how about we do a 30 day PIN challenge of Appreciation and Gratitude to each other like we did before?
This was an oldie yet, a goodie habit that we had both forgotten. I was happy and grateful that he came home the day after our disagreement, after sharing and speaking to some of our awesome friends and God, that we remembered our love language and are working on making it a permanent habit again.
The brain is like a muscle, the more we challenge it, the stronger it gets. So I introduced it on my IG about others doing the same, whether they are married or single, to show the other person or people in their life for 30 days how much they appreciate them, how grateful they are that they get to do life with that special person/people.
Our aim for each other after the 30 days is not to stop, but to gather all that PIN and some day soon turn it into a love book of everything we appreciated and felt gratitude for since the very day we met and use it as a light to overcome huddles when they come our way so we will know how to react, respond and be kind to one another and to understand how the other person feels instead of judging or resulting to argument.
So I hope you enjoy this exercise too. Be sure to let me know how you get on and find it.